Flaws and All
Inadequate. Definition: lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose.
As of lately I have been fighting feelings of not being good enough. I don’t know why or where they came from, but they’re there. I am sure it’s something that a lot of us deal with. In today's world we don’t just compare ourselves to our neighbors and family friends. Instead, now we have the ability to take a glance at a screen and compare ourselves to whatever version a stranger is allowing us to see of them that day. Our minds are constantly running through images as we scroll though 20 second videos, just enough to hold our attention, we wonder if we’re enough. Comparison though doesn’t only happen with strangers, it happens to the most familiar versions of ourselves. Who we once were or think we should be, start to intrude our thoughts and mock us. You look at the person you are today and somehow think that it’s a worse version compared to once upon a time ago. Or, maybe you hold an image in your mind of who you want to be but day after day, you keep falling short to that standard. Perhaps you believe you can never make it to “your best self”. No matter what side of it you land on, it all feels the same. Empty.That emptiness quickly eats away at any hope of something to change. No matter what you do or where you go, that feeling follows you and it lingers. The motivational videos online telling you “you are enough” only act as inspiration for a few seconds until you look at the mirror of your life and decide that you aren’t again. The bible verse of being fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13) then just becomes noise and not truth that actually renews your thoughts and your world.
I’m not sure how many people deal with inadequacy, but I can probably bet it’s a lot. I think many of us deal with thoughts of lacking in different areas of our lives. It’s not a new issue though, these thoughts and feelings go way back in time. The bible is marked with stories of both men and women who were feeling inadequate at some point. Moses told God he wasn’t eloquent enough in speech (Exodus 4:10). The spies of Israel compared themselves to grasshoppers against their enemy (Numbers 13:31). A widow, desperate to find care for her sons, had nothing other than a jar of oil (2 Kings 4). Jeremiah felt he was too young (Jeremiah 1:6) and Sarah too old (Genesis 18:12). The list really does go on and on. You and I won't be the first ones to experience these feelings of inadequacy and we certainly won't be the last ones. These stories do offer us hope though. And that is this; only God can use what we think is not enough and make it into more than enough.
The truth is that since the beginning of time, and since that first bite of forbidden fruit, we have never and will never be enough. From the moment we are born, our very soul longs for acceptance, a home of belonging, and someone to say that we are enough. Along the way we may find counterfeit things that give us satisfaction that only last for a moment, but that moment ends as quickly as it begins, and leave us feeling like we’re not enough anymore. The truth is we’re not. I know, this is probably not what you were expecting to read, and it goes against everything this culture tells you, but it is the truth. Here’s the thing, I am not saying that you should have low self esteem, and walk around with your head hanging down because you’re not enough. It’s actually quite the opposite. You see, if we were truly “enough” we would never have the need for a savior.
That is quite good news considering the fact that we do have a savior who has given his life so that in God’s eyes we could be enough. This is a different type of confidence that marks our life and changes everything. Now it’s not the fact that I have to be enough, but rather that God himself loved the world, mankind, you and I so much, that he sent his son Jesus as a sacrifice to be everything we couldn’t be. And that is everything. If I’m honest with you though, I forget this truth often. I get caught up in the feeling of inadequacy and fail to remember that when I am at my end, Jesus is there.
In all the stories I listed above (which I highly recommend you read) God takes the little man or woman had, and makes it into more than enough. It didn’t matter the rhyme or reason, at the end of the day it was all an excuse to show His glory, His power and His love. God is so much kinder than we could ever give him credit for. I know that these feelings of being inadequate won't disappear, but when it shows up I can direct them to a God who says that I don’t have to be enough, because when He sees me with all my faults He sees Jesus, who is more than enough to Him. I don’t have to be enough on my own, because He is more than enough and more than I could ever want, need, or desire. I want to be flooded with the truth of God’s greatness and power more than I am reminded of my own weakness and faults. And even when those moments come, because they will, that I won’t view these inadequacies as a failure but that I can look at them as an invitation for God to meet me right where I am, flaws and all.